As I’m changing my 2 year old’s diaper…
Brendan: “Mommy, I hab popcown in mine butt”
Me(laughing): “Yes, there are popcorn kernels in your poop”
Brendan: “Mommy want eat popcown in mine poop?”
Me(laughing): “No thank you, Brendan”
We went to the pool with my 4 year old. He jumped into the pool, and a lifeguard had to get him.
Me: why did you do that?!
Liam: I thought I could just swim.
Me: Riggs, we don’t say ‘fart’ in church!
Wrigs (loudly): BUT WE LOOOOOOVE TO LAUGH ABOUT FARTS. I THOUGHT JESUS WANTED US TO SHOW OUR LOVE!
The 6 year old tells me a couple of weeks ago that he wants to sign up for the premium www.poptropica.com account and that it’s only $5.00 a month. When I tell him money is tight and maybe we can do that for his birthday (in July), he says “By God, I’ll find a way to get that money”.
A few days ago, a thick envelope arrives in the mail from www.cashforgold.com
"Yes!!! It’s HERE!!! Now where’s all your gold?"
Kid’s a goddamn internet genius.
My kid is a hotdog ADDICT. My wife read where having more than one hotdog a week has found to cause cancer and told my kid this. His response?
"NOT MY PRECIOUS HAIR!!!!"
How does a 6 year old know about chemo?
My daughter says that Taylor Swift isn’t “country” music. My son responds by loudly, obnoxiously singing “I gots dem thar teardrops on that thar geeee-tar”.
So my boy is overhearing my wife and me trying to figure out the Wheel of Fortune puzzle, when he yells from the dining room, “EATING HUMAN BEINGS!”